twenty four | Whatever

Posted on December 27, 2022 Posted by Athena Scalzi

My dad stole the title “24” on my birthday, so I have to use the words for the numbers, instead. I guess it’s a consequence of not posting my birthday message to my birthday, but let’s not dwell on it.

Anyway, I turned 24 a few days ago (thanks so much for the birthday wishes), now I’m here to write my thoughts on it. Before you do all that, have a song:

Athena Scalzi

Well, that just said everything I was about to say. But in a funnier way.

It’s not everyday you hear a song that can perfectly describe not only your situation, but exactly how you feel about the situation, but this one does that for me.

Specifically, I’m 24, I still live with my parents, I sleep all day, I have absolutely no plans not only for my life but for literal dinner, all my friends are getting married and having babies, I’m tired all the time, I don’t know how taxes work, and I don’t know how I ended up like this. And above all, it’s like it was yesterday when we were children.

Where has the last decade gone? Why am I not about to enter the first year of high school? Why am I not handing out party invitations to my classmates’ lockers and picking out party dresses? Why don’t I try sneaky texting under my desk on my first iPhone or hope the seating arrangement puts my crush right next to me?

And the answer is that I’ve been through it all before. I shopped for dresses, slept all night with your friends at basketball games, decorated my locker with magnets, waited anxiously to see my ACT score and thanked the lord when there was a snowy day. I had this life. And now it’s over, and it’s been over for several years.

I should be okay with that, right? That’s how life goes. One chapter ends and another begins. So why do I have to leaf through the pages of the first half of the book?

Why do I look at my friends in their wedding dresses, or holding their babies, or buying a house, and see them as thirteen-year-olds with braces and slicked-back hair?

I miss being twelve and spending the night at a friend’s house and having then excited to be able to drink a Mountain Dew because my parents wouldn’t let me have caffeine. Now I’m an iced coffee addict with excess caffeine.

I miss being fourteen and playing call of duty black ops ii on my PS3 with my friends and having to take turns because I only had two controllers. Now one of them is stationed in Hawaii and the other works twelve hours a day in a factory.

I miss being sixteen, as I felt like my heart would burst with joy when the guy I loved wrote me a poem asking me to be his girlfriend. Now I have a whole book of breakup poems.

I miss my youth. And I know I’m still “young”, but it’s not the same. And it never will be. And I don’t feel good about it.

-AMS

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