On Saturday, April 16, a junior from the Dyson School of Applied Economics and Management, Bill N. Gai ’23, forgot to post an update on LinkedIn for his upcoming internship at Amazon. Gai’s failure to post, a requirement for the applied economics and management major, prompted his withdrawal from the school.
Gai was immediately transferred to the College of Arts and Sciences to study English to match the level of activity needed on his LinkedIn account. The English department accepted Gai with open arms, eager to finally have a male student.
The LinkedIn post fulfills the AEM major’s “selling soul to corporate America” requirement. By sharing their ridiculously overpaid entry-level job update with the world, students help solidify their career goals and trajectory.
The requirement was also an impetus to create a sense of community among Dyson students.
“Comparing you to other students is meant to give our students impostor syndrome. We want our students to bond on this,” said Professor Morgan Stanley, Applied Economics and Management.
The requirement was also intended to connect with college alumni and show them how their donations continue to help grow the Cornell-Wall Street pipeline at Dyson.
Just $56,398 was donated to Dyson as part of Cornell Giving Day 2022. Rumored to be the same amount a group of ten Dyson seniors spent on room service at the Casa de Campo during spring break.
Most Dyson students don’t seem to care about this major requirement at all. “How else am I supposed to show my high school personal finance teacher that I could be within five miles of Jeff Bezos? Facebook is no longer enough. says Naugn F. Token ’25.
However, there has been some pushback against this requirement, as there is with every new requirement. A student group called “Lincoln LinkedIn” said LinkedIn’s posts violate their moral standard that the platform should only be used to advertise Cornell’s music department and acapella groups.
“We can’t have LinkedIn pages full of updates on your internship where you run coffee shops and stand in front of the copier for 10 hours a day. What people really want to know about is music on campus and support for music groups,” the group’s president said, preferring to remain anonymous to avoid the wrath of Dyson students.
Shortly after the interview on Ho Plaza, the president resumed urging students to buy Krispy Kreme donuts for the fifth time this week.
For Bill N. Gai, the College of Arts and Sciences was a fun new adjustment. In an interview on Monday, he said, “I’m glad I can take the classes I really want. Next semester I’m going to take Oceanography and Wines, and I won’t even feel compelled to talk about it on LinkedIn.
This piece is part of The Sun’s April 20 joke issue series. To learn more, visit https://cornellsun.com/category/four-twenty/twentytwo/.