Best Team Evergreen Members As Animals In Video Games

For the Features team, I’ve gone through their most viewed articles and given you, dear readers, a glimpse of what it tells you about them, and I’ve come up with some fake news for our News team. However, with the Evergreen team, it’s not that easy. Their work involves editing and organizing more than raw writing, which makes it difficult to assess – so we do it differently. What do you mean, you don’t care about the first two articles and you don’t care about this one? Listen, don’t worry, it’s Christmas. Also, I have to make my opening paragraph long enough that Google doesn’t nudge us and stick our heads in the toilet. Well that should be long enough. Maybe one more sentence. All right.

GAME VIDEO OF THE DAY

Instead of going through the best articles, I’m digging deep into a piece of Evergreen’s lore. One of our favorite evergreen item types is the best [Insert Animal Type] In-game. So let’s get to it: here are all the members of Team Evergreen and what video game animal they are.

Related: Gamers Have The Worst Spotfiy Wraps


Issy & Vaspaan – Any Shiny Pokemon, Pokemon

Pokemon Go Best Shiny Pokemon Metagross, Ninetails, Dragonite

Issy and Vaspaan only work part-time in the Evergreen department, spending more time elsewhere at TheGamer. This makes them rare, much like a shiny Pokémon. And they’re as special as shiny Pokémon! Because sparkles just look different and have no real value.

Joe – Fizzlybear, Viva Pinata

Top 7 Bears in Video Games Fizzlybear (Viva Pinata)

Joe is a big gay bear and I want to hit him repeatedly with sticks.

Dan – Cutie the Elephant, It Takes Two

It takes two cuties

Dan is brand new. Like, he just joined the site this week again. I don’t know anything about him. Looks like a nice guy. We’ll probably tear it to pieces.

Quinton – Boggy B, Worms

Worms characters and skins

For specific joking reasons that would take too long to explain, Quinton is a worm. Tied up this time.

James – Goose, Untitled Goose Game

Untitled Goose Game - Geese disturb a woman

The first of those animal lists I remember we did was “Best Ducks”, and it was written by our very own James Kennedy before he fully joined the site. The goose, although not a duck, slipped onto this list because it had a habit of popping up everywhere. Either way, James is the goose because of mumble mumble.

Matt – Crash Bandicoot, Crash Bandicoot

Crash Bandicoot rock death animation

Matt… well, listen. Matt doesn’t work in my time zone. Matt is a quiet worker who keeps to himself. Matt is a nice guy, probably. He, uh, he has black hair in his profile picture. I don’t know much about him. I wanted to put Crash Bandicoot on the list. Matt’s Crash Bandicoot, why not.

Harry – A strange animal Roblox, Roblox

Roblox Animal Exhibits

I was going to research animal-based Roblox games for this, but realized our time on this planet was limited and I didn’t need to waste it thinking about Roblox.

Charles – Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog

Sonic raises his hands in the year of victory.  He is holding a Koco - a cute little stone creature.

Much like Matt, Charles works in a different time zone and keeps to himself, but he’s pretty fast, so Sonic.

Helen – The Bear Tomb Raider, take a wild guess

A screenshot showing Lara Croft being attacked by a bear in Rise of the Tomb Raider

Helen is in charge of training, as is the first hurdle the writers have to overcome, so she probably looks scary – just like the snarling bear in Rise of the Tomb Raider. However, Helen is actually a very nice woman, and the bear is a tutorial that can’t really hurt you.

Axel – Cinderella, Pokemon

Pokemon Unite FTP Cinderace holds a flaming ball under her foot.

Axel also oversees training, but he’s here as football’s Pokémon because he’s one of the few editors who shares my love for the beautiful game. It’s probably a little easier when your team has Messi playing for her.

Branden – Blathers, Animal Crossing

Branden is like a little teacher, and it was between Blathers or Genki, so it’s Blathers. Branden makes his own Tamagotchi and makes his own dice from pebbles he found in a river. His opinions on scary critters are still unknown.

Jerel – Spyro, Spyro the Dragon

Spyro Relaunched The Spyro And His Confused Friend Trilogy

Jerel is a Dungeons & Dragons guy, but he’s too nice to be Agharr The Blood Drenched Fire Dragon Of Death or any other D&D dragons name, so Spyro. He’s a dragon, but like, a charming one.

David – Newcastle Badge Seahorse, FIFA 23

FIFA 23 Trippier

Like me, David is one of God’s chosen – a Geordie – but I couldn’t think of a magpie in video games anywhere, so that’s the seahorse on the Newcastle badge. Look, this is my list, okay?

Ryan – Overcooked Owl 2

the owl from Overcooked 2 with a frying pan

Ryan is the group’s baker, and although Overcooked chefs tend to cause more tantrums than they cause pancakes, animal chefs were hard to come by. It seems like a dangerous profession for animals, in all honesty. The chefs also don’t seem to have much of a story in Overcooked, but the owl seemed the most fitting. Ryan has a lot of interesting bird stories, you see.

Rebecca – Sly Cooper, Sly Cooper

Sly Cooper smiling in Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time

Every month we host a small awards show at Evergreen to celebrate everyone’s hard work with edits, presentations, writings, general coverage, you name it, we do it. And you name it, Rebecca takes home the trophy. I’m not saying she steals the rewards but you know, mumble mumble mumble.

Sam – Trico, the Last Guardian

The Last Trico Guardian

As Deputy Manager, Sam is our last gatekeeper in many ways. He leads the team with a sense of calm and is loved around the world. And, like Trico, I prefer my cat to Sam.

Santi – Conker, Conker’s Bad Fur Day

Conker sits on a big red chair with a crown on his head

Santi is the rudest asshole I have ever met.

Amanda – Reindog, MultiVersus

Reindog

Amanda is one of our Evergreen Leads, so her job is to support the rest of the team, even as chaos swirls around her. Reindog, the non-violent support fighter, suits him best.

Meg – Red XIII, Final Fantasy 7

FF7 Red XIII gets closer to the camera with his good eye

Meg is our Guide Manager and like Amanda, a big part of her job is to support those around her. However, she chooses to do so with violence, not with love.

Next: Revisiting Kanto: The Complete Journey

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