QUESTION: I am single after many years of living with a partner. Do you have any ideas on what I could do with my alone time? Most people tell me that I should volunteer or go on a trip. Are there rules of etiquette that dictate my actions?
CALIE’S RESPONSE: Volunteering is always a great option, finding a hobby like golf or tennis or something is good too! A trip sounds amazing! Hope you can find something that suits you perfectly.
LILLIE-BETH’S RESPONSE: It will probably take you some time to find your rhythm and find what makes sense to you, so give yourself grace in the process (which is the hardest part). Try all of the above and see if they give you the satisfaction, interaction, community, etc., that you are looking for. If they do, do more.
In addition to volunteering or traveling, take a class in something that interests you, plan to hang out with friends, get involved in church, etc.
You’re going to have to define who you are – whether you want to connect with more people, learn something new, go deeper into a subject you want to learn, change the world or your community, have new experiences with travel, etc. , then shape your time to match those.
However, budgets can limit these opportunities as you learn. It’s also okay to stay home and watch a movie, read a book, read a newspaper, organize your home, or whatever brings you comfort. I don’t know what etiquette rules would apply when defining what your life is like, other than the normal ones of respecting others, having empathy, being kind, etc. It’s less about etiquette and more about life, and you can define what your life is like. It is sometimes difficult to connect with others as a single person, so there will be some loneliness as you navigate your new world. Accept that part too, if you can.
HELEN’S RESPONSE: Sometimes it is difficult to take the first step to “go it alone”. So try to figure out what you would like to do. A book club? Volunteering? Painting? A part-time job? Go out to dinner? Do you have a friend who might like to accompany you?
The rules of etiquette are the same as you’ve always had and since so many people travel alone today, it’s socially acceptable to dine alone, as well as to travel alone. Maybe it’s more fun with a friend.
GUEST RESPONSE: Patti Leeman, Community Volunteer: You are not starting a new life, but a new period of life. If you’ve always loved skiing or playing cards, you probably still will. If you’ve never enjoyed playing poker, a good way to save money is not to start now.
What to do with the new time spent alone depends on several important factors. Your age, resources, interests and passions. How do you spend your alone time now? Make a list of these things and fill in the blanks. What are the things you always wanted to do if time, money and time were available? Discover the pleasure of doing for others, then keep doing it. The rules of etiquette that might dictate your actions are the same ones you’ve followed for years: Never make a family member, friend, colleague, or committee chair uncomfortable.
Finding new hobbies, sports, and friends will keep you busy, so don’t be afraid to try anything. Maintain your healthy habits, enjoy what you start, be kind, or help someone you didn’t know this morning.
Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include responses from customers of a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is over 20; Lillie-Beth is over 40 and Helen is over 60. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.
